a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
