In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
