He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
