Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
