We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
