so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I sprained my soul last night
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
