i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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