Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
