Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
