I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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