mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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