names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize