i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
