I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
