pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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