I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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