She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
