now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
