my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
