where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize