if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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