we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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