One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
