I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize