I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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