Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
