Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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