I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize