What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize