Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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