Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize