If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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