I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We talked him into tasing himself.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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