There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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