Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i think i have two assholes
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
