haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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