Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
there is glitter all over my balls
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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