I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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