You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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