last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
