he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
