who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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