No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
