I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
