he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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