And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
