Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize