he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
