Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
