that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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