I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
