To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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