i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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