I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize