cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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