dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
