That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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