Soap is not a condiment
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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