If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
