apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
