I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
