I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
