dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
