I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
