dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
