My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
