One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
