Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
