I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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