I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
