my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
