There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
