i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
