first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
