There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
