if i can run in heels then i can drive
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
