It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
