Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
