I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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