So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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