So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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