i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
