The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
