I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
