we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
