Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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