So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
