This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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